Creating a Container for Personal Transformation

Step into a realm of personal evolution, exploring the profound interplay of mind, body, soul, and heart in the transformation journey. This week's episode takes you on a journey that transcends conventional boundaries, embracing Eastern and Western approaches and holistic practices. At its core, it's about harmonizing your energy, thoughts, and mind with your evolving self, leveraging the power of positivity. This isn't just about change; it's about creating a welcoming space for transformation's enchanting and challenging aspects.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Consider how the transformation journey will impact each element of yourself – mind, body, soul, and heart.
• Open yourself up to various forms of support, such as Eastern and Western medicine, acupuncture, medication support, and more.
• Ensure you have people who can hold space for you throughout the process.
• Focus on realigning your energy, thoughts, and mind with what aligns most with your new self.
• Utilize positive practices like gratitude journals or vision boards to help stay focused on the transformation goals.

LINKS

Download the pdf guide!

TRANSCRIPT

Amy Hageman 00:00

Hello loves, welcome back to the Living Out Love podcast! You know, before we get started sorry about divine timing. I was gonna hit record about one minute sooner than I did. But then spirit got my attention like a flicker of light. What was that? You know? And right as I was looking at it, my postal delivery person was coming up, this man is a very chatty man. And I always like when you guys hear him walking up, he's always on the phone. And so it was just perfect timing, that spirit distracted me because otherwise, I would have had to hit rerecord, and we would have had all this background noise, my postal man without his permission.

So thank you spirit for the divine timing win! Now down to business. As always, I'm so excited you're here, because this is a really exciting episode for me. First of all, for those of you on YouTube, I have handwritten notes this week, I was on the road and unplugged and decided to outline this. And I have to say it was really fun to be creating something with spirit, not at my computer. So I'm really excited. You're here, today is a very important topic. And I'm going to talk about something that a lot of us tend to do naturally, sort of intuitively, but I want to bring some more awareness to it. And that is creating a container for personal transformation. And what do I mean by that? Well, creating a container, primarily what I mean is an energetic container. But it's also it can be a physical container. It's a mental container.

Creating boundaries and intention for a transformational journey.

Amy Hageman 01:41

It's creating boundaries and intention, for a transformational journey. So I like to think of this as when we as evolved, where spirit in human form, beings decide, oh, I'm going to heal my mother's wound or I'm going to try to heal all the trauma from my first marriage, like sometimes we will consciously decide that we are tired of carrying around this junk that we don't need that doesn't serve us and we're going to heal it. And anytime that we make that conscious decision to heal something. I strongly recommend that before you even do the healing, you make conscious decisions about how you're going to support yourself through that transformational journey. One thing that I think people tend to underestimate is that anytime we have a transformational journey, even if it's just energetic, and we think, Oh, this is just an energetic journey, typically, it flows out into our life, we be that your personal relationships, your work relationships, your behavior, the way you communicate, any transformational journey, it may start primarily on the inside on the in the unseen realms of our nervous system, our emotions, and our thoughts. But then it manifests itself in the scene world, the physical, tactical world. And so it's important that we take that into account as we start on any sort of transformation journey. So why am I recording this episode? One thing I want to say about transformational journeys is often that we're very vulnerable in that state. Think about the butterfly that's in the cocoon, if someone were to bat down the cocoon, the butterfly and or caterpillar in that, in that in-between state can't really defend itself. It could if it was a caterpillar or a butterfly when it's in the middle. It like doesn't have its legs yet, or its wings, or whatever its anatomy is going to be. So in whatever realm that we are healing or transforming or growing. It's hard to be solid when you're in transformation. So that's one reason why I like the idea of a container so that we don't open ourselves up too much to the world while we're in a vulnerable state. It's also for those of us that tend to project out like our energy tends to sort of bleed out of our energetic bubble and out into the world. We don't want to project out things before we're ready to. So especially if you're like healing those wounds and you're in process, if you don't have a solid container figured out for yourself, then you might be projecting those wounds as they're coming up and as you're identifying them. So the container is not only to protect you and to keep you safe and supported. It's also to prevent you from accidentally projecting out something that either is an old wound or it's just like an incomplete thought were like, maybe this is the next step for me or but maybe it's that it's like giving yourself this space to be in between things without putting that on others. So that's the number one reason it's just so that we have safety. And, you know, the butterfly examples, the most common example. But I also think about, you know, women when they are in labor, at a certain point, their whole being is so focused on helping the baby have a safe transition, that they can't also be protecting themselves. You know, from the outside world, there's a reason why women have to hunker down in order to have this amazing experience of bringing life into the world. Can you imagine if at the same time that they were pushing and breathing and trying to be present in the moment, we also asked them to, I don't know, do their taxes, to have a really difficult conversation with somebody that was really vulnerable and raw, I mean, they wouldn't have the capacity for that.

How to support yourself through a transformational journey?

Amy Hageman 06:09

It’s really important that we think ahead of time about how am I going to support myself through this transformational journey. And I use these physical examples because we can relate to these physical examples that we can see and that are, you know, we're all sort of aware of the butterfly and the cocoon, and women going into labor like we're aware of that. I want you to think of, even though your transformational journey, your healing your growth, may be an inside job of energetics, emotions, thoughts, maybe it's something that's unseen to the outside world, I want you to treat it as if it is a physical transformation. Because it is anytime we heal anything, we heal it on an energetic level, which affects the physical realm. Think of any sort of transformation as a physical transformation, and how are you going to support yourself through that transformation? Let me tell you how. The first thing I like to do is I like to decide who is my safe support within my container. Personally, I don't recommend having any sort of transformational process alone. If you are a person that likes to process alone, then I recommend that you do so knowing that you have support of some kind. If you're going to intentionally try to heal something, then get a book on healing that has a process like having some sort of support, if it's not another person and find but have some sort of support lined up. So that if you're in the messy middle, and you don't know which way is up anymore, you have a guide to help see you through. If you're like me, you may want to have actual personality support. Personally, at record Moon, I love having a person of authority there to talk it out with me. So whether that's a coach or a counselor or a therapist, or minister, it's like I like having somebody that my brain can tell me as some understanding and some experience that they can hold space for me differently than just my friends, which my friends are also a part of my transformation container. Some of my family members are part of my transformation container.

Decide ahead of time who to share your journey with.

Amy Hageman 08:40

But I decide ahead of time with a lot of discernment. And here's what I mean by decide that ahead of time. When you are mid-process, and you are vulnerable. As I said earlier, that's not really the best time to be discussing the journey. And so I decide ahead of time, who am I going to share this with in the moment that I know that they can be supportive and not attached to the outcome, not wanting their own desires, their own thoughts for how I'm going to end up on the other side of this. And I limit myself. I limit myself usually to five people, there are about five people that I will involve in a process, Max and everybody else. I'll see you on the other side of that container. It's not necessarily that we don't talk in between then you know, you go to work, you have your normal life. But when it comes to, oh, I'm releasing all my childhood wounds and I'm gonna step into this new empowered version of myself. You don't want to open that process up to the whole world.

I mean, think if we all could watch the butterfly the caterpillar-like disintegrate and become the butterfly, we would All watch and have our own thoughts and feelings in hopes about what that butterfly might look like and how it's going to come and when are they going to come out of the cocoon. And that being in transformation does not need all that energy. It's too much. So decide ahead of time, who are the people that I will share this journey with, while I'm in the middle of it? Well, while I don't know what the outcome is going to be, decide that ahead of time and limit yourself, limit yourself.

Just in general, in your container of support, I recommend that you have some people if you are a person that likes to process alone, I noticed this before, but I would really limit yourself to what you are willing to undertake without some sort of support. If you are going to try and do very deep wound shadow work. I really hesitate to encourage somebody to do that without a guide, at least like an older sister-type figure that's done that work before. Because when even though it sounds nice like I'm going to heal my childhood wounds, it sounds so nice, like I'm going to heal it and I'm going to be transformed. But typically, first, it's very triggering. First, you have to go back. And you likely have to feel all the things that you didn't feel at the time in order to keep yourself safe. You've got to feel the fear, the grief, the trauma, the whatever, and the layers of it. And I just know some people like to process alone. But if you are one of those individual processors, I really want to encourage you to figure out strategically what form of support that's going to work for you. I know I shared on a recent diet, a recent episode that I had tried self-hypnosis, and it worked really well for me, when I had a specific PTSD trigger, I did the self-hypnosis, and it. It was amazing. And then, more recently, I had something else come up. It wasn't PTSD. But I was very stressed. And I thought I'm going to do this self-hypnosis. And guess what, guys, it didn't have the same effect. And so I was really glad I had more tools in my tool belt to help support me. So think ahead of time, like what are the tools in your tool belt that you want to bring into your container, whether that's meditation, hypnosis, yoga, like, what's going to be in your container to help support you. And ideally, I think it needs to be people, people that have actual experience with this sort of work, ideally, maybe some trusted friends that you know, can hold space for you, without attachment to outcome. That's the type of support that we want people that can hold space for the process, not knowing how it's going to go. And what I mean by that is maybe into healing your childhood wounds, you realize, oh, I have this whole behavior pattern of people pleasing. And if I give up this p behavior pattern, I might lose some friends. So it's like you want to have people in your container that can deal with that, that can recognize if they have fear around losing you as a friend that that's their stuff. And they're going to hold space for you either way. Okay, so this is a really high bar, whoever you let in your container. You've got to be pretty topnotch. Okay.

Decide your boundaries ahead of time.

Amy Hageman 13:59

What else in the basic preparation, I have so many ages. So I want you to decide your boundaries ahead of time. Who are you talking to? Who are you not talking to? How are you going to support yourself? Are you going to need extra sleep? Are you going to need extra water? Yes, you're going to need both of those things. Do you have some vacation days you can use? Can you plan it? If it’s going to be a long weekend? Can you plan it when you have a federal holiday on that Monday? Like how are you going to support yourself through this container? Plan ahead of time. Don't get into the cocoon and then go Oh, I wish I brought my Gatorade like that's not going to work. So plan ahead of time. Okay. I'm gonna want extra water. I'm going to want extra downtime. I'm going to what have you and it might be something like, Okay, I normally charge my phone in my bedroom. But while I'm in this container, I'm not going to do that it's too tempting, I'm going to charge my phone in the living room. So at night, I'm just looking at my journal, I'm not going to look at the screen. It could be anything, but really spend time asking yourself the question of what are the boundaries that I need in order to support myself through this transformation. And plan for allowances, plan for decreased productivity plan for less discipline, if there if you are a very disciplined person when it comes to exercise and nutrition and those day-to-day physical experiences, plan that you might have a harder time maintaining discipline regarding anything because you're going to use up more of your energy on the healing, you might have less energy reserves for discipline, I'm not saying just go buy a bunch of ice cream and have it ready. But I'm saying consider that ahead of time. That's some of the places where you perform well in life, you might have less energy during a transformation. How are you going to support yourself plan for that set some boundaries ahead of time. Use your intuition to guide you through setting up this container. As you sit with this question of like, what do I need in order to support myself through this time, maybe it's gonna take me three months, maybe it's gonna take me three days, maybe it's gonna take me six months. But what do I need, allow your intuition to tell you. Maybe your intuition says you should really buy a pendulum, this is going to be helpful. Maybe your intuition says take a break from social media. Maybe it says you need to adjust your bedtime. Like, our intuition gives us stuff all the time. And especially when it comes to a transformation journey, a lot of times it's not going to make, we're not going to understand it. It might even be you're in a grocery store and you buy a different tea than you normally buy. Not knowing that like the energetics of that tea, the vibration, the verbal medicine, whatever it is, it'd be really supportive, like we might not understand it. But trust your intuition to guide you when it comes to planning for any sort of transformational journey. I also like to think very intentionally about transformation, if I know there's a big thing, there's a big thing, there's some childhood trauma, there's some maybe you had cancer and you're trying to you're in remission, but you just want to heal the energetics in your body. Like if you've had a really big imprint in your physical body your life and your psyche. Plan ahead of time, don't decide, okay, I'm going to heal it and then dive right into the healing, which is what I love to do. But take a minute, and then think, Okay, do I want to heal this with a counselor? Do I want to go to a retreat? Do I want to plan a retreat a few months from now and then have counselors ready to go after that? Like, kind of get in touch with your body and your intuition to help guide you through? What's going to be the most loving and supportive process for me in this healing or in this row? And we touched on this earlier, but it is in terms of who all do you want in your container. But it's like, Okay, do I want one-to-one support? Do I want to do a group healing? Do I want to join Al-Anon do I want to do the workshop retreat, I want to read this book, maybe I'm going to read this book about worthiness.

The need for a transformational container.

Amy Hageman 18:43

And I'm going to do all the exercises and this is what I'm going to do. So even if what you're doing is you're like I'm going to follow this self-help book, we'll consider that as a process that needs a transformational container. Consider that you're going to need more rest, you're going to need more water, you're going to need more time to journal, and you might want to take a mental rest day from work every once in a while. These are really important considerations, it is important to honor the work of transformation, which is why we need these containers. I also want to propose to you that this might be a good time to try some new modalities. So if you've never done breathwork if you've never done yoga, if you've never done Cymatics if you've never worked with oracle cards like this might be a time to be open to new ways of connecting and shifting energy whether that's connecting with spirit connecting with your body connecting the earth, shifting energy in your body and your nervous system shifting the energy around you. Consider that this is an ideal time to kind of grow your tool belt a little bit. Which doesn't mean you're always going to know how to support yourself like there may be a day where like, Oh, I'm going to pull oral hold cards there, I'm going to journal and it just doesn't bring you the amount of satisfaction or fulfillment or clarity that it normally does. Well then in that case go okay, well, that didn't work, I'm just going to take some deep breaths and move on, or I'm just going to do some yoga and move on, like, be able to shake it off and say, well, that worked the other day didn't work today. Oh, well, we'll see what happens tomorrow. That's the other thing just, this isn't so much about the container, it's just more about transformation. In general, having a little bit of that, oh, well, or, of course, this isn't going to plan type of attitude will serve you.

Roll with the punches and expect the unexpected.

Amy Hageman 20:38

It's when we get our expectations of Oh, hypnosis is my new thing. And then when it didn't work, if I had, if I had had the expectation, this is always going to work for me, that would have been really devastating. So just be prepared to have the unexpected and to be able to roll with the punches. Because anytime you take on this intentional transformation, stuff is gonna come up that you cannot anticipate and blessings and miracles are going to happen that you cannot anticipate. It's not all bad, scary stuff. But just preparing yourself that I'm going to roll with the punches that I can't anticipate everything in this process, even though I wish I could. Okay, now I want to get into some really nitty-gritty stuff. Earlier, I mentioned that we think about personal transformation like it's this inside job, but that it actually has outer effects. As a person that has a background in emotional intelligence, communication and relationships. One of the things I think that we don't plan well for is how we're going to communicate with our loved ones even just people in line at Starbucks, if we're feeling triggered and vulnerable, we need to plan ahead of time for how we're going to communicate during this time in a way that is clear. And that is supportive, us and others. So here's an example. Be clear about what is an invitation versus a request. A lot of times people will say, Do you want to join me on this retreat? That's vague. Do you want to join me on this retreat, I think it would be really helpful to do this together. I'm hoping that you will come with me, I think I will have a better outcome. And I think you will have a lovely outcome. If we go together. That's more of a request, I'm hoping that you will come with me as requested I would like for you to come with me, that's more clear than “Do you want to join me if it's an invitation”, and that is, “Hey, I'm going on this retreat, I think you might enjoy it.” I'm gonna go either way. But I wanted to let you know about it. That has a very different vibe than I hope that you'll come with me, I would like for you to come up with a plan ahead of time to spend a little bit of extra time and attention on your communication. When this is happening. I know it's extra effort, and you're already going to feel tired. And so you're not going to want to do it. But clear communication is so powerful compared to vague communication. Another example of that is to be clear about what is an annoyance versus a deal breaker. So, it might be that you become more sensitive to sound or to light like maybe you become more sensitive to external stimulation while you're doing all this extra processing. And so if you need to tell your husband your room, if you need to tell somebody, Hey, I would really like it. If you didn't turn the overhead lights on when you first wake up. If you could only turn your lamp on that would be better for me. That's not a bad request. But could you be really clear on that would be better? For me, that's like annoyance versus this is what I need. And if you can't do that, that's fine. But then I'm going to sleep in a different room. Being very clear on this is disturbing. Could you please make this accommodation versus this is really becoming a problem. And this is my request for how you fix it and if you can't fix it, then I will have to adjust my behavior accordingly.

Communicate your needs and boundaries with others.

Amy Hageman 24:36

Take the extra time and effort to be clear with yourself and others about what your needs and boundaries are. Again, consider that you are the butterfly in the cocoon. You're in between Caterpillar butterfly status or you are the woman in labor. You don't have any extra energy to be requesting that you get orange juice, not apple juice that you not have a toxic relationship walking through the door. Okay, so it's it's extra important that you communicate with clarity, ahead of time and during the transformation. And after the transformation. I want to also take this to social media, I really strongly caution posting about your journey, especially in detail on social media while you're, while you're in the middle of the journey. And it's for the same reasons I listed earlier, where energetically we don't want to open ourselves up too much when we're in a vulnerable state. And we don't want to project our stuff out when we're in a vulnerable state. I know it can be really beautiful and empowering to share, honestly, and transparently on social media. So I would spend some time ahead of time kind of creating some guidelines for yourself around what will feel in alignment, versus what will feel too much. It's not that you can't trust yourself during the process, because you can.

How to create an energetic container for yourself.

Amy Hageman 26:13

But it's helpful to have a plan and to know, okay, before I started this journey, I made this plan based on these thoughts. And then that way, if you're in the journey, and you're like, Huh, I'm gonna go off script, I noticed that I wasn't gonna share this. But now I'm going to, you're doing it with greater awareness and greater intentionality. And you're saying, Well, my thought of the time was thus and so now my thinking is thus and so and I feel safe to do this, I feel like my energetic container is not going to be harmed, I'm practiced at setting energetic boundaries. So even if people have their own thoughts and attachments, I know I can handle it, if supported myself, by if you're gonna go off script, that's fine. But having made some decisions ahead of time, and understanding your reasoning ahead of time, is going to help prevent you from doing something that you'll regret later. Again, we are energetic beings. And energetic boundaries are very different from physical boundaries. Just because we don't see everybody that sees what we post on social media doesn't mean that there's not an energetic exchange there. So be very discerning ahead of time and in the moment about what you share and why. Okay, so the last tip, I just didn't want this episode to be too long. One of my last tips about creating a container for yourself regarding transformation is to think about how you're going to honor that transformation. Are you going to use rituals, and a lot of people that it's like a common ritual after they go through a divorce, they do a cord cutting, there's those types of meditation. There's like balloon release this, there are all sorts of rituals that people do to honor their healing their transformation. And I encourage people to make up their own rituals. Just make one up, and have a physical expression of your inner experience. Are you going to make a declaration, whether it's to yourself, whether it's in writing, whether it's differences in the family, where you say, I am no longer people pleasing, I am only doing XYZ, or I'm going to support myself in these ways. From now on, I want you to just know, you know, I'm going to be less socially available doesn't mean that I don't love you just means this is what I need to support myself right now, etc. Are you going to plan to change your appearance? Maybe you dress differently? Maybe you get your hair done? Maybe you change your physical space? Maybe you get a new bedspread cover? Maybe you get a new candle, maybe you get an altar where you haven't had an altar before? How are you going to honor your transformation? And the thought follow-up question to that is how are you going to have an external representation of your internal transformation? You don't have to have an external representation. But I think it's a question to sit with. Would that add value typically I believe it does add value. In general,

these are just some general thoughts when I'm talking about creating a container for your personal transformation. You want to think about it at a cognitive level and a brain thought level. at a physical level with your body going through you need more water and getting more rest at a heart level, what are your emotions need? And at a soul level. When you're thinking about who am I going to invite? How am I going to prepare for myself, how am I going to support myself, you want to consider all of those things, my mind is going to be taxed, my body might be tired, it might be reinvigorated, my emotions might be extra vulnerable extra loud, maybe they're going to want to repress themselves, but my soul is going to feel so in alignment, or my soul is going to feel like I'm finally giving it that drink of water. It's been so thirsty, like, consider what are each of those elements of yourself likely to go through, you won't know until you're in it. But what are each of those elements likely to go through? And how are you going to support yourself on each of those layers, Mind Body Soul art? A few more things for thought, prayer, meditation, whatever your practices are, regarding those, be ready to change up those practices. I like to just consider whether or not you're going to have Eastern medicine, Western medicine, maybe you want acupuncture, maybe you need some sort of chemical support some sort of Western medicine, antidepressant, whatever it is.

How to support yourself through a personal transformation.

Amy Hageman 31:07

I'm not suggesting that you do or don't do any of those things. But I'm suggesting that you be open to having support, be open, you don't have to make a rash decision. This is why you have other people in the container to hold space for you. This is why you only invite people that have some expertise in these areas. Be open to the different ways of supporting yourself. One other extra thing that I will say is, typically when we're in the middle of a transformation, it can be a good time to focus on realignment, to just always have that like with what's most than alignment, you're going to heal some stuff, your energy is going to go different ways, your thoughts and your mind going to go different ways. And then when it comes time to create new thoughts to create new neural patterns, you get to decide what those are. And so then choosing what's going to be most in alignment with my new self. A good way to do that is to have a positive practice, whether that's a gratitude practice, which would be like a retrospective positive practice, you're giving gratitude for something that's already been, or whether that's a vision board practice, well, like, here's what I want, I'm going to create this positive vision for my future so that when I'm clear on that vision, I have an easier time getting into alignment with what's going to get me towards that vision. So having some sort of positivity practice is a good idea while you're in this container. No pressure on that. I'm not saying every day, you should do a gratitude journal. There should be no pressure on your processes while you are in a transformation of some sort while you're on a personal journey because you don't know what you're going to have energy for. And you need to listen to yourself first and foremost, rather than just doing what you've prescribed for yourself. However, having some things in place and having many tools in your tool belt, is highly recommended.

Okay, I gave you a lot of information, I rushed through it because I knew this could be a very long episode and I didn't want to take up too much of your time. So if you would like a PDF guide, with all the tips and tricks, and reminders of how to support yourself through a personal transformation, I have one ready for you. It's free. Go to Amy Hagerman dot love forward slash transformation container. The link is in the show notes. And you will have a free PDF guide on my tips and reminders for how to support yourself through a personal transformation journey.

In general loves, we never go it alone. We've got ancestors and angels and spirit guides, we've got so much support that we don't see. So you're never alone. But I invite you to really welcome any sort of loving support that's available to you when you're in the midst of transformation. Again, it's beautiful I think about when I was in labor with my babies and how different all of those births were and how beautiful it was, and how grueling and exhausting and vulnerable it was at the same time. So allow yourself space for both of those experiences. It's grueling, it's scary. It's unknown. It's exhausting to go through stuff, whether you're healing money, beliefs, trauma, or whatnot. But also it's beautiful and there are miracles and there's insight and there's gratitude. Create a container that can hold both of those experiences. Much love to you all, loves. Bye.