Unpacking the Meaning of "The Assignment" Discovering Your Purpose in Life and Work

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Hello loves, I am so excited to be talking to you today. Because this episode is about the assignment, what is the assignment? And I've been thinking a lot about this question for months. And then I finally sat down and wrote an outline for you all. So I'm excited to talk about it, because it's just been swirling around in my brain for months. And we'll see maybe after today, I won't have to think about it so much.

So for those of you that are, you know, kind of hip to social media, you may know, there was a kind of a viral sound clip, “I understood the assignment, I understood the assignment.” It's from an artist named time money. If you are offended by rap or curse words, I do not recommend that you look up the song, it's not important. The only reason I bring this up is months and months and months ago, maybe even years ago, I'm not sure. A long time ago, there was this, I understood the assignment clip floating around social media where people would, you know, post whatever entertaining videos they had to this background of I understood the assignment. And I was thinking, I've been thinking a lot about why is it that some people don't understand the assignment? And some people do? And some of it's like, context clues, or what we might refer to as common sense that other people don't have. But I just been ruminating and ruminating on…

What is the assignment? And how do we know in a given situation? What is the assignment? And why is this question even valuable? Like why would I spend time on a podcast episode asking? Well, in some ways, it's common sense. If we're not taking time to consider what is the assignment, then we're sort of asleep at the wheel. And we're likely living our life based on either what we've been conditioned to do, or based on the projections that we have of what we think the world wants from us, which again, is more conditioning.

02:25

So if we're not asking ourselves, what is my assignment, in any given situation, we're likely missing out on opportunities to show up differently, perhaps to show up more like love with more intention with more awareness.

And so by asking yourselves, what is the assignment? What we're asking is, Who am I called to be in a given situation?

It gives us our North Star, it's a guiding question, or how do we move forward in any situation? So when I asked the question, like, what is the assignment for me here? And I'll ask that in, you know, in lots of different ways, when I'm at home in the mornings, and I'm parenting my kids like, what really? Is my assignment? Is that that we get out the door on time? Is it that we all stay calm? Is it that they get a nutritious breakfast? Is it that I stay calm? Like, what is the assignment here?

Consider your past

03:30

So one way to answer that question is to look at the past and compare whatever situation it is that you're thinking about, compare that to a similar situation. And think, what served me well in similar situations before, and what would I have done differently? And allow that past insight to help guide you to Okay, well, how do I want to show up in this way, and obviously, you know, we change as people, anything that a similar situation that you had to whatever's going on now may have been 510 years ago, you're very different, you're gonna have different strengths and different resources and different weaknesses than you had before. So everything is with a huge grain of salt, but I find looking at the past is an easy way to get grounded. So if you are questioning, how am I supposed to show up at this interview? Well, then of course, you think back to different interviews and what went well, and what didn't and then you'll also think, okay, but at that time, I was in my 20s. And now I'm in my 40s, and I'm gonna do it differently. It's a good starting point. So looking at the past. The other question that that I ask is a sub question of what is the assignment? What's my assignment? The next point is, well, what do you know about yourself? Is there anything that you've been working on? Do you know your strengths, do you know your weaknesses? Do you have a therapist that you're working on that you're trying to heal? Do you work with a tool of some sort? Do you work with the Enneagram? Do you work with astrology, the human design? I mean anything, is there a tool by which you use to come to know yourself?

I find that when you already know some things about yourself, whether that's what you're really good at, whether that's what you're passionate about what you value, whether that's behavior patterns that you just can't seem to break, the more that you know that yourself about yourself going into a situation, the easier it is for you to know, oh, this is how I feel called to show up.

I'm going to utilize, you know, I know that I have a strength of giving people positive feedback. And so there will be some times when I'll ask myself, What is my assignment? And I'll think, oh, there's nobody else here that's giving a lot of positive feedback. So why don't I step into that role, because I can give quality feedback that that is sticky for people. So I can identify that. Because I know that about myself, I may have been able to see just observationally in a situation that that was in need. But if I didn't know, oh, that's a skill set I have that I wouldn't have known Oh, I'm a match. This is a way in which I can show up as love and as healing in a given situation.

What if we’re all here to live out our strengths?

06:19

So when you're in a situation, whether it's your job interview, whether there's a crisis at home, whatever the situation is looking at, well, what do I know about myself, that I am uniquely here to express because all of us, whatever our lens is, whether you're looking at Myers Briggs, or Enneagram, or whatever it is, all of us have our unique set of strengths that we're here to embody, that we are are here to express out into the world. And I know sometimes we think if I'm too much of that stuff that comes easy to me, then people will get tired of it, or they don't like it or, or whatever, because it comes easy to me, it must inherently be a problem.

But what if it's easy for you, because you're supposed to embody it, you're supposed to be it. So I really encourage you when you're asking, you know, how is it that I'm supposed to be in this situation? Who am I supposed to, you know, emulate?

Well, really think back to Okay, when I did the VA StrengthsFinder? What were my strengths? How can I rely on that? How can I contribute those? And when it comes to your weaknesses?

Okay, how can I support myself in these weaknesses? When I looked back at the past, and I saw there was that behavior pattern it played out and I wasn't happy with it, I'm going to be tempted into that same behavior pattern. So how am I going to support myself differently in this given situation?

What is the assignment for our own self-care and development?

07:53

That is the assignment, the assignment is to not only utilize your strengths, to better a situation to bring more love and more healing to a situation, but also to support yourself through your weaknesses. That is an assignment for everybody all the time. But when you're looking at a specific question of who am I called to be in this situation? You're also asking, How can I show up with what's mine to give and support myself and the ways in which I feel? I'm not? I don't want to say depleted but support myself, and the ways in which I know I need support. And we all need support in some way or another and that's okay.

So another question I asked myself, when I'm trying to answer what is the assignment - The question I ask is, what and who needs love in any given situation?

The assignment is always to love - but how do we know what means?

08:50

That is what we are here to be, we are here to be love. And that will look different. Sometimes love looks like boundaries. Sometimes love looks like something else. Nurturing rocking patients, there's lots of different ways to embody love. There's no one way to be love. If the answer to what is the assignment is gonna be love in the world. Well, that would be a much shorter, easier podcast episode, and we wouldn't have the complex lives that we do, and that's okay.

But so looking at in any situation, what needs love who needs love? And in what way do they need it? So if you are thinking about an interview, well, the other person might need love and what would be professionally acceptable would just be like, Hey, I hope I hope you're doing well. I hope these interviews are going well. You know that you've got the energy that you need. I thought I thought you did a great job asking questions. I'm sure you were nervous too. You know, there's a way to professionally ignore.

Let somebody with loving generosity and reflection without crossing over a boundary. If you're in a keep going back to a family crisis situation as an example, perhaps it's a friendship situation. And you're trying to figure out, Okay, what's my assignment here? And what does love look like in this situation? Well, love is always honesty, it's always feedback. But can you do that at a time in which people are willing to hear it? Can you do that? In a tone and in language in which people can hear? Can you do that?

Not from a place of judgment or resentment. But from a place of I think you want to know this feedback, because I know that you want to be a loving person in the world. And I know that you know, that I'm communicating this to you because I love you. And because I know that you will benefit from knowing the truth, not because I have any sort of animosity or anything like that.

So when you're in a situation, and you're looking at, in which ways does the situation need love? And in which ways am I uniquely provided for to fill that meet?

There are some things that are outside of your comfort zone. But you're provided for.

Love can include conflict

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There's a lot of us that are conflict avoidant, we really don't like conflict. And so when situations come up, you're like, oh, that that's not love. Conflict isn't love like, well, if you really sit with it, conflict is very loving. It's much more loving, to have a conflict and to work things through than to avoid the conflict. So then you go back to well, what are my strengths? What are my resources? And how do I have this conflict with love? How do I love myself? How do I love this other person? How do I love the situation itself? How do I embrace that this situation is happening in my life, rather than trying to avoid it, and pretend that something does not need healing? love and healing can sometimes be quite synonymous. And so if something needs healing, it is inherently loving to give it healing. So it is not love to avoid conflict. And I'm going all over the place with this. But I just think about so many different examples when we talk about, okay, what needs love? If my goal is to be love in the world, then what needs love? And in what ways do I need to show up in order to accomplish that goal? And it's also where do I need to go?

Love in the real world

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If you're thinking about a situation where there's multiple dynamics at play, there's a boss, there's a colleague, there's a subordinate, there's an HR manager, there's a principal, a teacher, a child, a parent, a student, when there's multiple parties at play, you have to be mindful of where do I put my energy? Who needs the advocate? And how do I love everybody in a situation while still having healthy boundaries while still reflecting the truth while not being afraid of conflict, but having very loving and very mindful conflict? So where do I need to go in order to be love in a situation?

So those are some of the questions I like to ask myself, and, obviously, you could get so detailed into what is the assignment. And you could look at what's the spoken assignment? So if somebody says, Hey, come to my party be there at 7pm? Well, the spoken assignment is get yourself in the car and be there by 7pm. But what's all the unspoken stuff? What can we safely assume? Well, we can safely assume we want to be dressed a certain way, we want to be prepared to be in a festive mood, we might want to bring some extra money in order to contribute on hand to whatever the party is, right. So there's that idea of like, okay, what's the unspoken expectation?

Sitting in the question of what is being asked of us

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But have you really sat with that question? I think a lot of times we, we don't sit with the questions of what's, what are my assumptions about a given situation? We just run off the assumption and then we go and then we're asleep at the wheel and that's fine.

But when we sit with the question of okay, what I'll do I know about this situation, or what I'll do, I think that I know about the situation. Can I organize it for myself? Okay, yes, I need to be there at seven. I think I'm going to wear this but maybe I should wear that maybe it's going to be more formal party. Maybe I should check.

Is the assignment..My friend is really going to want me to socialize around the whole group? Or maybe my friends gonna want me to make sure that nobody has an empty drink? Like, is there something that my friend didn't request of me that she probably wants? There's some nuance to our life that if we really sat and asked ourselves, what is the assignment here what all of my assuming about a situation, we would get more information from our own brain, it is not even inherently that we have to go outside of ourselves and ask for information, although we might. But just by asking ourselves, what is the assignment, we're gonna get more information, we're going to set ourselves up for success. And by success, I mean, showing up the way that we want to in the world, the way that we feel called for our own growth for our own expression of love, that we're going to show up better if we sit with that question of well, what is the assignment here? And then just ask yourself, so for the the example of your friend says, Hey, come to my party at 7pm. Well, is my assignment that I am going to go and I'm going to support her is the assignment that I'm going to go and I'm going to look and feel my best. And I'm gonna give myself a nice now out on the town. Like, neither one of those is wrong. They're also not inherently conflicted with each other. But just asking yourself, what is what is my goal? What is my vision? What is the assignment for this situation? It's going to help you show up with more clarity.

I’d rather mess up with intention than have been asleep at the wheel

16:30

And, you know, the downside to this whole practice is if you ask yourself what the assignment is, and you really spend time focusing on, here's my assignment, I'm going to go and I'm going to support my friend, and I'm going to make sure that that she's having a good time at the party. And then in hindsight, you look back on ego, you know, that wasn't really the assignment, the assignment was that I have a night off, and that I relaxed, because I've been really putting so much pressure on myself, and that I put more pressure on myself to show up at the party. And that wasn't the best assignment.

So sometimes by being more intentional with our decisions is more intentional with how we show up, we end up regretting the vision that we created. But I would always way rather regret my intention. And sorry, excuse me, I misspoke. I would way rather regret showing up without intention and without awareness, then regret showing up with intention and wishing I had intended something else. That makes sense, I would way rather have a goal, that was not maybe the best goal, then have no goal at all.

Personally, I've I've learned that when I have a vision and an intention for how I want to show up. I'm always happier with the outcome. And then when I just showed up and winged it, if that makes sense. And I don't say this from a controlling point of view, it's not coming from a place of you know, 'dot, every I cross every t' make sure every buttons super straight. It's coming from a place of how can I most be love in the world? What's going to set me up to be the best embodiment of love.

What is my assignment, for healing and love in this situation? Whether it's for me, whether it's for other people, whether it's for a situation itself? What's the assignment?

There can be lots of assignments

18:36

I want to also just clarify when it comes to like, what is the assignment? We're not just talking about? Any one thing. Maybe it's what what's my assignment right now I'm at home, it's morning, time to try to get the kids out the door. Maybe that's the assignment. Maybe the assignment is, what's the purpose of my podcast? What is my assignment with this podcast? What information do I want to put out there in the world?

Perhaps it's in a work situation like what's the assignment in finding a new system creating a new system for invoices or whatnot? Like, how is it that I want to show up? What is the assignment here?

It could be about anything. It could even be about a meeting you're going to have I'm going to have a meeting I'm meeting with an astrologer, we're going to look at my chart, what is my assignment? Okay, well, my assignment is to go open minded and to have questions ready, and to be ready to take notes, you know, whatever that is. So asking yourself, what is the assignment?

The answer is always going to be to be love.

To experience love and to be loved.

What is a love in a specific situation?

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That's the answer. But then can you get more specific than that? What what is love in this situation? What's the most loving for me in this situation? What does healing look like in this situation?

So, I, this is so funny that there's a whole podcast episode now just about what is the assignment and it started as this one line on social media. But I have been really fascinated with that question of it her her statement is I understood the assignment. And in the context of the song, it's kind of like, if people say, come get dressed up, we're gonna have a party. But the assignment really was like dressed to the nines. And some people get there and they're dressed up, but you're dressed to the nines, like they may not have said, dressed to the nines, but that's what the assignment was. It's had that kind of a context to it. I understood the assignment like I nailed this. So that's what I'm asking you.

What is the assignment is how can I nail this? How can I show up as love as a healing agent in the world with intention and with clarity and awareness? How can I do that? What is the assignment?

Recap of how to work the question of the assignment

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Look to your past and look to all the areas in which you know yourself. Do you know your strengths, you know, your weaknesses? How can you rely on those? How can you support yourself with those?

And then look at the situation, which part of this situation needs some love and some intention? And am I the one that's best suited to do that? And if not, how can I can how can I communicate with somebody else about how can we love the situation a little bit differently.

So that's all I got for you today loves I hope it was super helpful. And I hope that whatever your assignments are, that you are rising to the occasion that you are showing up the ways in which you feel called to show up that you are expanding into your own growth. You're loving the process and you're supporting yourself through whatever it is that you need support through. So I love you all have a beautiful, beautiful day and we will talk next week.