The Art of Healthy Relationships: Navigating Conflict and Growth with Emotional Awareness

Join Living Out Love host Amy Hageman as she discusses the topic of relationships and how our inner work plays a crucial role in creating fulfilling connections. Amy shares valuable insights on embodying the feelings we desire for our relationships, communicating effectively, and co-creating with our partners. We also explore powerful exercises to heal and expand our energetic capacity for love, forgiveness, and unconditional love. Don't miss out on this enlightening conversation and discover how to manifest your desired relationships.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

Reflection: Relationships are a reflection of our own intentions and energetic integrity. Our inner work, not external strategies, is the key to creating meaningful and fulfilling relationships.

Freedom: We have the power to choose how we feel in any given relationship. No one can dictate our emotions or reactions; only we control them.

Starting with You: Healing and forgiveness begin with us. Practicing the pink light and unconditional love exercises can help us release negative emotions toward others.

Open to Change: Relationships are an ongoing conversation. Allowing for bumps in the road and being open to growth and change is crucial in maintaining healthy relationships.

Alignment: We can manifest our desired relationships through energetic work and practice. By aligning ourselves with our intentions and practicing the feelings we want to experience, we can attract the relationships we hope for. Relationships are a beautiful opportunity for us to co-create and grow with others.

TRANSCRIPT

Healing in relationships through astrology and self-awareness. 

Amy Hageman  00:14

Hello loves, welcome back to the Living Out Love podcast. I'm Amy Hagerman, and today we're talking about healing in relationships. And I have a lot to say about this. But I've committed to myself to keep this episode to 20 minutes or less, so buckle up. So first, I want to talk about why relationships are such an important topic for me. There's a lot in my personal astrology chart having to do with relationships. But aside from that, much of our life experience gets played out in relationships. And when we hear the word relationship, many of us often think of like romantic partners and Valentine's Day. But there's also our familial relationships, parents, children, cousins, siblings, friends are huge relationships in our life, even our neighbors have a large impact on our life, even when we don't see them that has an impact colleagues, bosses, subordinates, peers, strangers at the gas station, all of these relationships, energetically, are part of our earthly experience our experience as human beings. And when you add up the weight of all those relationships that I just mentioned, all the people that you're going to interact with, rather, once or ongoingly, that has a profound influence on our lives. And because we are all energetic beings, relationships are often one of the easiest places for us to identify what it is that we are creating in the world. Because what we're creating in our energetic field, and what we're expecting of our relationship, we're going to have a pretty immediate experience with now this is especially true when you're looking at the relationships that you have on a day to day basis or on a regular basis. Friends, family, colleagues that you work with every day like these are going to show you a little bit about what you're putting out into the world and what your intention is and what you're creating. Now, of course, these aren't going to show you 100% Because the other people in relationships have their own freewill and their own desires and creations. But in general, they'll show you not only what you're creating, but also what you're attracting what you're open to. So your relationships may be showing you that you are living out love with joy and with ease and pleasure. Or they may be showing you where you need some healing.

So let's talk about healing. Often, when we think about healing, especially in the West, we think of something that's been broken or damaged in some way. Like, maybe a friend betrayed your trust, and you're gonna decide whether or not to stay friends with them, and you're going to forgive and you're going to create new systems for transparency and clarity and expectation setting. And that that would be healing. But I consider that sometimes healing isn't a repairing, it's just a step towards greater alignment. And really, that is still a repairing. It's a letting go of something that no longer serves you. But the real point in that is, sometimes we can have a healing without knowing what it was that was, quote broken. So I just want you to be open to that idea of healing, that healing isn't just identifying a problem and figuring out how to fix it and how to move forward in a way that's better. Healing can also be I'm moving towards a greater resonance of my soul, my authentic expression and desire. And in so doing, I'm going to release some things that were not in resonance, that's also a healing. So again, I just want you to keep this in mind. Because when we're thinking about relationships, you may have a specific Rift or issue or experience that you want to work on. And that's great. Or you may not, you may just think, you know, everything's fine with this relationship. But I think it might be better or maybe could be more fluid or more fun. Like you might just get in a generative mood, creative mood, kind of dreaming about how a relationship might be different. And I also consider that healing. So I'm talking about Relationship healing in this episode, in those terms for you, this may not be about healing for you, this may just be about clarifying and manifestation and that's fine too.

Improving relationships through emotional awareness. 

But I just want to let go of the idea that what we're doing is analyzing a problem, diagnosing the problem and deciding what the medicine is needed that is going to correct the problem. That's very analytical exercise, that exercise has a lot of value. That's just not what I'm talking about today. So we're five minutes in, I'm barely getting started. So here's what I want you to do. We're gonna move throughout this podcast episode, and I'm going to give you some exercises, one of them, we may try and do a little bit together as I talk, and then the other ones, I'm going to give you the how to, for you to take home and do it on your own. So right now, I want you to call to mind a relationship that you would like to improve. It can be a relationship with yourself, it can be a very meaningful, important relationship, it can be an insignificant relationship, maybe it's, maybe you had an interaction at the gas station recently, and you want to work on your relationship with strangers at the gas station, it can be a public figure that you don't actually no, it can be a person that has passed on. But I want you to think about one other person that you have a relationship with, in your own mind. That's where relationships exist is our mind and our energy field. And I want you to call them to mind. And we're gonna keep this person in mind as I go throughout the rest of this episode. And just notice that you hear me talk about this process. If you are going to experience a shift like however you're thinking about this person right now, however you're feeling about this person right now, at the end of the episode, let's see how you think and feel then. Okay, you got the relationship in mind, let's dive in. What I want to do first, is I want you to get really clear about how you want this relationship to feel. If you've been listening to me for some time, you know that I talk about emotion a lot, and I have a large emotional vocabulary. If you are not so comfortable with the feelings and the emotions, just take a deep breath, hang in there with me, we're going to walk through it a little bit. We want to imagine how we want this relationship to feel. Now if this is a relationship, and when in which there has been an actual like rift or circumstance, then you may want it to feel peaceful, resolved healed, you may want to have a feeling of compassion, of forgiveness, of grace of generosity, that would be a big up a big improvement in energetic vibration than mistrust or tension or fear, or that sort of unpredictability, question feeling. So those are some options, you may want to feel peaceful, you may want to feel things are predictable compassion, generosity, for relationships, for those of you that have something in mind where your relationship is already good, like you already have a positive relationship, but you already have a great marriage. But for some reason your husband was the one that came to mind. Well, some of the emotion words, the feelings that you may be wanting might be like, maybe you want more fun, maybe you want things to be easier, maybe you want your relationship to feel more abundant, more free, more wild, more playful. Maybe you want the relationship to be simplified, predictable, consistent. So just play with some different ideas about how that relationship might feel. Maybe it needs to be more sensual in a way that feels even better, like an even more authentic expression of that relationship. And invite that feeling. And I want to just say here, there's very few quote wrong answers to how do you want the relationship to feel.

Manifesting clarity and ease in relationships.

Amy Hageman  09:08

If you are finding a negative word, see if you can flip it into a positive. So like, if you're thinking I want the relationship to feel tense, maybe what you're trying to find is passionate. Or maybe you're thinking of a relationship and you think I just want some distance, then maybe what you want is expansive space. So whatever feeling that you're coming up with check in your body and see if it feels like a contraction, like like you're protecting yourself from something or like you're pulling away from something. And if it does, then see if you can find another word that means that a similar thing, but has a more positive expansive feeling. So like I said, you might be wanting distance that's going to cause you to feel smell like, Oh, I just gotta get away is like the feeling of distance in my body may not be how it feels in your body and my body. When I say distance, it's just like, Oh, I'm not getting my needs met is the underlying current there. Whereas when I say, I want to have expansive space, then I have an inspiring, loving vision to move toward. So when you think of your emotion, just give yourself that sort of litmus test of is this an expansive feeling in my body? Alright, so you have your relationship in mind. In you have the person in mind and you've identified how you want to feel. We're not going to, we're not going to get to that feeling in one podcast episode, or in one day. And even if we do, it's not going to be something that you're just able to maintain over time. However, having this sort of clarity is important, or deliberate creation, which is manifestations co creation with the universe.

When you have this clarity of I'm in relationship with this person, and I want it to feel this way, that's going to help guide you, when there are decisions to be made. When you're wondering how to react to something like you've, you've almost already decided, because you've decided how you want to feel. And so that's going to help guide you. But relationships are an ongoing creation, you are going to have to continue to follow your own your own guidance. So what's likely happening now is that as soon as you decide, okay, I'm in relationship with this person. And I want to feel this way, your brain is going to want to tell you all the reasons why that can't happen. And that's right, it's our ego feels safest in predictable situations. So anytime we look at a relationship that's been historically, let's say confusing, and when we set the intention that this relationship is going to have clarity and ease, our egos naturally going to get involved and be like, hold up, that's not possible, that's not going to happen. Because your ego knows that you're safe now. And if you pursue having a different relationship with the same person, then there's a possibility of struggle of disappointment. And those things are our egos worst enemy, because those things don't feel safe to the ego. So personally, when these things come up, when I decide that I have this new intention, and my brain starts to feed me all the past experiences, I like to lean in, and I like to give my ego what it needs rather than try to mute it. So I say when when you get home and you re Listen, this podcast, write down all the things said a five minute timer, write down all the things of why your brain says it's impossible, because the person is always late, because they never call me back. Because this time that they did XYZ, like whatever it is, just write it all down, let your ego go there. And I, you probably won't be able to spend five minutes, you're gonna get so tired of this exercise. But set a timer, no more than five minutes. And then when you're done, take some cleansing breaths and throw the dang thing away. Don't even you don't have to have a ritual, you don't need to smoke it, burn it, drown it just like throw the dang thing away. Because it's in the past, it's not real.

Visualization exercises for inner healing and compassion.

Amy Hageman  13:28

And of course, you had a real experience of it at the time, but it's not real now. And if it's in your energetic field now, well, then you need to work on your energy field. So just allow your ego to have its say, and then release it and say all right, those are not real to me now. I am creating what's real right here. And now I'm creating what's real in this moment, and what's going to be real for me in the future. So, we've done so much work already you guys, you identify the person, you figured out how you wanted to feel, you let your brain and your ego have all of its say on why it's impossible to get what you want. And then you realize all of that's in the past. Anyway, I am the co-creator of my life. And this is what I choose to co create from here on out. Right. Now it's time to forgive. And just like earlier, I wanted to kind of redefine hailing. I want to redefine forgiveness. Also. You know, many of us by this point know that forgiveness is not about saying that whatever happened was okay, it was permissible. what forgiveness is energetically is it's a releasing from your energy field. That's all that it is. And we also think many of us think that forgiveness is like, again, something was broken, and I'm forgiving it. But sometimes forgiveness is just like nothing is wrong. It just wasn't what I wanted. And so there's this energy in my field of stagnation or of lower vibration. And when I open up to forgive whatever doesn't even have to be a person, it could just be like, oh, my stomach kind of hurts today, I'm kind of annoyed that my stomach hurts. And then when I go into my mind, I'm like, You know what, I'm going to forgive my stomach, and I'm going to forgive this day that it included a grumbly stomach, then that energy just releases from the energy field.

Okay, so that's what I'm talking about forgiveness, oh, my gosh, I got like, four minutes, we gotta go, there's so much work. But I really wanted to try to hit a 20 minute episode. So when I forgive someone, this person that is that you're in relationship with. And again, even if nothing has gone wrong, this, this exercise will benefit you. So do the exercise, you are going to imagine the person and pink light, pink light, the light of unconditional love. And here's the thing, this exercise is not about your brain, deciding whether or not this person is unconditionally lovable. This exercise is about you retraining your brain, this person is unconditionally lovable, whether I think so or not, because that is the spiritual truth of the way Divine Source Energy Works. So you visualize them in pink light, as a reminder to you that they are the same God source, divine life energy that you are. So you're gonna imagine this person, imagine that light filling up their entire body imagining extending out into their energy field. And for some of you this is all that is going to happen, you're just going to see the pink light, for those of you that are really struggling with something and your brain doesn't want to let go of whatever happened or is happening. And then invite that resistance to be shown to you in the form of energy. It can be a darker energy, it could be a slower energy, it could just be a place that doesn't want to light up with the pink light. But allow that to be shown to you. And then invite that pink light to help that energy dissipate. This is your visualization, you get to create this healing in your mind. Okay, you get to invite your angels and your guides to help you if you want. But you are creating this healing by visualizing it.

Improving relationships through inner work and visualization.

So if you need the practice of allowing your resistance to be there and watching it dissipate, then that's how I invite you to do it. And this is basically energy work. This is yes, a visualization. But it's shifting your energy. And it may or may not automatically shift something in the outer world. But when you shift your inner world that changes your perspective, which ultimately changes your outer world. Okay, so just spend some time visualizing them in pink light. You can do this on the same day as the journaling. I do think you should do this on the same day as where you write down, you know, all the stuff that your brain is going to tell you about why it's impossible to have such a healthy relationship. And when you do this, just breathe, just keep breathing. Step your breath is what brings you into the present moment. So like move into the present moment with this person in their divine light. From there, I'm going to give you two more exercises. First exercise is you're going to work with your inner child, visualize yourself I recommend somewhere in the ages of three to seven. But wherever your intuition leads you is fine. But yourself and the the pink light of unconditional love. And if you feel so led, I encourage you to take note of anything you hadn't noticed before about your younger self like strengths, talents, maybe its wounds or fears and you want to send compassion to yourself. You may feel led to have a conversation, you may feel led to reassure your younger self or to thank your younger self, or you may not you may just want to visualize it and that's fine too. This is for you and you get to make it how you want to make it. So you're going to visualize your inner child. Then I want you to visualize the other person that our child fill that child up with the pink light of unconditional love. And no matter what happens, just sit keep sending that pink light pink light, unconditional love.

And then I want you to ask them some questions. What does that child need? What are they motivated by? What are they curious about? Like just get to know. And again, this is your brains projection of that person's inner child. I'm not saying that you're psychically connecting with their past self. You're projecting this experience for your own healing. But ask them some questions. Let's say they say that they need food or they need more fun or they want to conquer the world or whatever it is. then in your mind's eye and your visualization, give them that thing that they need. Whatever it is, this is a completely safe environment, they can't do anything bad with this, this is all happening in your mind anyway, giving them whatever they need, it's going to shift your body into a state of love and generosity and compassion. Which is exactly where you want to be. Again, if you feel led to have a conversation with them, great. If you don't, then don't this time is for you do it as you want to do it. When you are going to bring yourself out of that meditative state, I want you to be very careful to visualize that your pink light energetic field of your inner child and their inner child's pink light, energetic fields are completely separate. Okay, we're not exchanging energy, we're not getting corded to one another, so to speak, we're just visualizing one another, and we're sending one another compassion and unconditional love. Okay, so you may notice that this point, right at 20 minutes, you may notice at this point that that's all you need. Like just doing those exercises, you've cleared some blocks you visualized, you held that person and compassion, that in and of itself may create some large shifts for you. And being able to step into that energetic frequency, that emotional feeling of whatever it is you're wanting, if you're wanting fun, or sensuality, or compassion, whatever it is, you're wanting from the relationship, you may already have what you need, are some of you, you need to have a conversation. So if you feel led to have a conversation, I want you to get into the feeling ahead of time. So whatever it is, you want that relationship to feel like, that's what this conversation needs to feel like. So if you want your hunger, your relationship to feel abundant, and free, then you want to go into that conversation, just feeling abundant and free of there's more none enough of you to go around, there's plenty of you to have this conversation. And this conversation is willing to go wherever it wants to go. If you need it on a relationship that's more predictable, that's structured, that I want you to have a conversation that has a clear outline, that you know what's coming, and that person knows what's coming. So really embody whatever it is you want for the relationship and body that in this conversation. Again, if you're having conversation, not all relationships will need this. A lot of time when we do our own inner work, that is all that is needed. But if you have a conversation, feel how you want to feel, go to the person and say something like, I really want our relationship to feel more abundant, or I want it to feel more predictable, more consistent. And before you make a request of them, there's we're not making a request of them. And you say, so you can expect me to show up differently. Because in creating this feeling in our relationship, I might do XYZ. I might call you more often, or I might call you less frequently. Or I might send you more memes than I used to like whatever it is. And then you can seek input, you can say does this resonate for you? How does this sound? Is this appeal to you?

Amy Hageman  23:20

If the person has resistance, observe it, don't react to it. Decide ahead of time, like how are you going to feel. And remember, like you're bringing this emotional experience to the table. And so no matter what they say, you're going to choose to stay in the abundant or the sensuality or whatever the feeling is, you can stay there. You can allow their resistance and observe their resistance and still have your emotional experience. And remember that relationships are ongoing states of being and so you don't have to figure anything out in one conversation. It's an ongoing conversation. Allow for bumps in the road, you know, there's, you're going to make progress. And then you're going to forget Oh yeah, I really wanted it to be abundant. I went to my old patterning, shoot, let me throw that paper away. Fine. That's all fine. And you may also have some resistance, you may be in relationship with somebody that's like, I'm not doing sensuality. I'm not doing that I'm not doing fun. Okay, that is okay. Because you've already decided that you're going to create this relationship that's fun and abundant or that sensual and meaningful, like whatever the thing is. So if that's not the person, then that just means you're one step closer to attracting the person that's going to fill that for you.

So just allow it to take whatever form it takes. I am five minutes over so I'm gonna end this episode. But I wanted to give you guys some tools because I get I get a lot of questions about relationships in my readings and there are certainly we could do hours on how to communicate and And what strategies to employ and love languages, we could do hours on that. But in general, most of us forget that it starts with us with our inner work, and we forget that we are responsible for how we feel, there's nothing that person can say or do that dictates how we feel. We get to program that. So when it comes to healing, and forgiveness, I encourage you to practice these pink light exercises, the unconditional love exercises and remember that you just deciding to visualize that, when you decide I'm going to visualize this, all that you're doing all lies, if it's no big deal, all you're doing is you're getting your body into alignment with spiritual truth. And your brain doesn't have to agree with it, or your body to resonate with it. There are lots of things that our brain agrees with, that our body doesn't resonate with. And this is just the complexity of being human. Okay, so invite that feeling. Your brain might have all the trash talk about why things are impossible. But when you sit for an extended period of time, and you imagine a person being filled with unconditional love, and you recognize them and you see them being surrounded by compassion, it's going to change some things.

Remember, that this work may or may not be a correction or fixing it may just be an expansion. To get clarity for yourself. Do your energetic work, do your spiritual work and practice ahead of time. You want the relationship to feel sensual practice feeling sensual, you want the relationship to feel ease and fluid and like like water running over rock right? Then practice feeling that ahead of time. Remember, relationships are one lens in which we get to experience what we're manifesting what we're creating. They reflect our own intentions, our own energetic integrity, and they are a great wonderful, beautiful playground for us to co create our desires. Thank you for being with me for almost 30 minutes. If you have any questions I would love to help you out. It's AmyHageman.love send me an email and we will talk to you next week loves, bye!