A Cure for the Birthday Blues

“It’s My Party and I’ll Cry if I Want To”

The hit song "It's My Party" (and I'll cry if I want to) was released in 1963, it's been almost 60 years of crying at parties and there's no end in sight!

Why are birthdays often catalysts for emotional meltdowns?

Let’s look at the behaviors and the beliefs contributing to this phenomenon.

Behaviors (and external circumstances) that lead to the birthday blues -

Birthdays are a time of added pressure for things to go a certain way. They can be a smaller version of a wedding, it feels like a rare opportunity that doesn’t happen every week - we want to make sure it goes the way we want it to go. We’ve planned the event ahead of time, curated the guest list, decided on activities, etc.

Because of all of this, our emotions are heightened. Everyone is looked at us, and we feel pressure to perform in a certain way.

Beliefs (and internal circumstances) that lead to the birthday blues -

Many of us do not believe we are worthy of being celebrated. This can stem from a variety of places - childhood wounds, beliefs about hard work being the only source of value, etc. Perhaps you feel you're not worth celebrating, not worth the time and attention and gifts. Perhaps you have a belief that people should only pay attention to you when you've done something to earn their validation.

Or maybe the belief you have is not personal, perhaps it’s more about the universe, how the world works.

Let’s imagine you have a belief that says “I can’t have what I want.” If the food wasn’t served the way you wanted or right on time, or if the presents you registered for are not what your friends bought…then those circumstances would reaffirm the beliefs you already had that lead you to not feel good.

When we’re in situations that reinforce our negative beliefs - it creates negative emotions.

We get mad or resentful because we don't want to believe that we're not worthy or that we can't get what we want, but if we do have that belief and then we see evidence for it, it's so aggravating! We get mad at what we’re perceiving to be true.

Meaning - we tried so hard to plan the catering a certain way, then the catering doesn't turn out the way we wanted, it reinforces our belief that we can't get what we want, then we get mad that our belief seems true.

It’s like we went out into the rain without a rain jacket and then complained that we got wet - we set ourselves up for failure when we have belief systems that do not serve us and are not grounded in Spiritual Truth.

Now let’s talk about how to heal the birthday blues.

As always there are two factors to consider: Behaviors and Beliefs.

Another way of saying - internal and external circumstances.

Behaviors to heal the Birthday Blues

1. Get clear on what you want.

   Do you want to celebrate? Do you want to pretend it isn’t happening?
   What are your priorities for the day? What’s important? What isn’t important?
   Be willing to be brave enough, to be honest with yourself.

2. Communicate well and BE HONEST
   Tell your friends what your priorities are. Even if what you want seems too difficult or costly, be willing to share the vision.
   Be open to collaboration from your loved ones. Often, collaboration will yield better results than you managing everything by yourself.

3. Be discerning about what feels good - and do what feels good.
   Don’t drink too much.
   Get enough sleep.
   Don’t fall prey to people pleasing - today of all days, you have permission not to do what you feel obligated to do, rather than what you actually want to do.
   Treat yourself. Have a private dance party. Go for a long walk outside. Watch your favorite guilty pleasure TV show.

Beliefs to heal the Birthday Blues

Prior to your birthday I recommend spending some time contemplating your beliefs about your worthiness.

• Do I believe I’m worthy of loving attention?

• Do I believe I have to earn the affection of others?

• Do I believe that others are worthy of love and adoration but I am not?

Once you’ve identified the unhelpful beliefs, try to rewrite your script on worthiness.

• Your friends and family WANT to celebrate you

• There is NO ONE else in the world like you

  • You are one little slice of God in human form

These truths deserve to be celebrated.

We live in a world in which our bodies are designed to heal themselves. There is literally love and wholeness baked into the design of our experience.

Spend time reflecting and honoring your life:

• What struggles have you overcome to get to where you ware now?

• What successes have you had?

• How have you grown?

• Who and what are you grateful for?

No one is more or less worthy than anyone else. Everyone deserves to be celebrated. If for no other reason other than they chose to incarnate and inhabit their version of God in human form.

If you don’t want to celebrate yourself, then celebrate the God that is within you. Celebrate the divine energy that flows through you at all times, that does not depend on circumstance or time.

Your brain will find evidence for anything you tell it to. Go in search of the divine, and you will be rewarded.

• Look at how you’ve gotten your needs met when least expected.

• Look at the synchronicities that happen and bring a smile to your face

• Look at the signs and symbols sent your way to help you recognize your own alignment

• Look at the fact that our bodies are designed to heal themselves!

We are designed for wholeness because we are loved by God/Spirit/the Universe. 

Here are some mantras for you to consider adding to your belief system.

• I am completely loved and lovable, always have been, and always will be

• Life loves to surprise me with joy and abundance

• I work with God and the universe to create my life. I experience, learn, and evolve in partnership with Spirit.

• I am loved every day. Today I choose to celebrate the love I share and that others share with me.

Know that you are loved. No matter what.