Loving Enneagram Type 2

• Enneagram type 2, including their qualities, examples, and struggles with boundaries and self-awareness.
• Self-care and boundaries for twos, including the importance of setting boundaries and prioritizing self-care.
• Slowing down and thinking through decisions to avoid overcommitting.
• Effective communication and decision-making for different personality types.
• The strengths and weaknesses of Twos in relationships, including emotional availability, caretaking, and helpfulness.
• The strengths of type twos in relationships, with a focus on their ability to balance seriousness and playfulness.
• The value of twos in recognizing and caring for their own emotions while being a positive example for others.

 

Transcript

Stephanie 0:00 

You know, on the high side of two, Richard Rohr talks about the redeemed person the redeemed. So, the redeem to understand that in their own person, their divine, they're good enough and they don't have to necessarily, please others are satisfied others in order to be worthy and to be loved.

 

Amy 0:24 

This season on the living out loud podcast, we are focusing on you, who you are, what motivates you, what you're here to contribute, and how you can expand will be utilizing my leadership skills and spiritual connection. diving deep into the Enneagram and astrology. Listen every week to become intimately aware of yourself. Only then can heal and grow. Let's get to work loves.

 

Enneagram type 2: qualities, examples, and struggles

Hello, love's welcome to the podcast. We might have a cat interruption today. And that's all right. We are back to talk Enneagram with Dana and Stephanie Foy, also known as mom and dad. And we are talking about the twos. So, twos are fascinating to me, I am a two and we have three twos in our family with the three different subtypes. So, we get we get to talk about twos a lot around here. So, mom, dad, welcome back.

 

Stephanie 1:23 

Thank you.

 

Amy 1:27 

Well, good, who wants to start us off? Tell me about the twos.

 

Dana 1:31 

Well, twos are considerate helpers. And key words for them are generous, caring, concerned, friendly, interactive, warm, hearted, seductive, seductive, and gift to give. Folks, they typically have a lot of energy. They think they'll assume you they feel an act a lot. Not a whole lot of thinking that they think they're thinking they think they are but you're so further review, they find out really what they were mostly doing was feeling and acting. Their qualities that are very giving. They want to hell, relationships are extremely important to them, they put lots of energy and to nurture relationships, they have lifelong friends. They show up when needed, they show up when not needed. You know, they're just very gracious, warm people. That's Stephanie, have you anything you'd like to add to that? Well,

 

Stephanie 2:30 

I would just say also that twos are most often other referenced. So, while they're very warm and generous, it's because they are very sensitive to other people's feelings. They often don't know what they're feeling, but they do know what other people are feeling. So, and they tend to form their actions based on others. So, one of the challenges for TOS is that they are what we call self-forgiving. They tend to as I said, be other reference they're very sensitive to other people's needs, which makes them wonderful, and can also be a challenge for them just to understand what their own value is in their own needs.

 

Amy 3:21 

Yeah. So last week, dad or Dana, you gave us examples of ones you want to give us some examples of twos for reference.

 

Dana 3:31 

Okay, so Dolly Parton is a popular person people know about dolly is very good and she gives away his books he gives away money. Very, very Grace gracious person. A former President Jimmy Carter is viewed as a two and you can see the helper, he is with Habitat for Humanity the causes that he takes on a continuous to take on showing up physically. Until recently it is a steel hammering and nailing and sewing woods. Mother Teresa, as one is well known for the goods, he's done on the ward reaching out. My Angela was one I don't know anything personally about Maya Angelou. But I wanted to put that out there to show how just her thoughts and wisdoms and words the impact that a two can have on there's a short list Hmm.

 

Amy 4:22 

That's, that feels good. I'm like I'd like to be on that list.

 

Stephanie 4:25 

You know, Oprah Winfrey is on that list. She is known as Enneagram two with a strong three wing which we can talk about later. You know, all the good that Oprah has done and the relationship see she has and continues to nurture whenever I see on TV she has people that from way back in the past showing up and talking to her and she's very gracious and remembers all about them. So, oh present others.

 

Amy 4:52 

Hmm. Okay, well, so some of those people are actually pretty Saint like in public opinion, like Dolly Parton to some extent can do no wrong. Mother Teresa could do no wrong. But we know that's not true. So, let's talk about the where do, where do twos struggle to? What shadows do they navigate,

 

Self-Care and boundaries for Twos

Dana 5:13 

Okay, so a lot of twos, they don't have boundaries, some will come in, and they're just totally giving and giving and giving. And it's third nature to find people who need help and just show up in hell. And what's underneath that many times is, is there giving expecting to get something in return, it's not necessarily altruistic, they want either they want to be liked, or they want to be appreciated or something, that they're not aware that they're not aware of that they're not aware of it and then they can be easily offended when someone doesn't make over how what a wonderful person they are, really thank them in the ways to the to, like to be thankful. You know, one of the things is I've heard is kind of common in talking about TOS that they'll get mad about someone, I can't believe he didn't like me, after all the things I did for you that you didn't ask me to do. So that's kind of a way to describe it. And another thing is, is that they have a challenge with boundaries. They can give and give and give and get really, really tired from all the given work and then become a martyr. Oh, well, that's some of the vices that us deal with.

 

Amy 6:40 

Hmm. So, mom, you said self-forgetting, you say about that, or give an example of that?

 

Stephanie 6:51 

Well, that they tend to, you know, as your dad was saying, they're giving him and giving, giving, but they're not paying attention to their own needs. Like, and we get, as we talk about all kinds of people, you can't pour from an empty cup. And twos will often pour out their cup for others, and not create intentional ways that they refill themselves that they nurture their own selves. So that's a growth area for two is building that in that habit of self-nurturing, of paying attention to their own needs. Because the fear for twos is that they'll be seen as worthless or undeserving. So that kind of feeds into Oh, I must be doing for others in order to feel to be seen as worthy, and, and lovable. So,

 

Dana 7:49

You know, did the parents and the families in the relationships with the two that are that are closer, can feel neglected that the two was out taking care of the world, nd then when it came time to bring it back to the family, they're too tired. Or they're just not there at all.

 

Amy 8:05

 0h, that's interesting.

 

Dana 8:07

Yes.

 

Stephanie 8:08

I mean, you think about one of the, one of the negative comments we heard about Mother Teresa was that she was so attuned to the needs of the community, I would suspect she was probably an S.O. Two, a Social Two concerned about the big community, but then the nuns within her own group, you know, we're not so praiseworthy of her. So, you know, because I think it was because she was so attuned to giving, giving, giving, she didn't necessarily nurture those around her in the same way.

 

Amy 8:46 

Gotcha. That's interesting. Live two things. The SEC, the first thing is the boundaries thing. As a two I know I need to have boundaries and when I go to really think to myself, like what is the boundary? And imagine what it might be. It just feels mean. Because like, I'm so driven on ideals.

 

Dana 9:18   

If you're not rolling out the red carpet for everybody what how do you not do it for everybody? Right,

 

 Amy 9:20

It makes sense, but I just hadn't heard it. And I'm a little bit like, in the US Oh, yeah, reaction to that. Yeah. I guess I gotta ask for some feedback on that one. Okay, so how do we, we use the collective to? How do we navigate those shadows and or harness our strengths? Let's get into the wings. Unless you have more to say about it?

 

Stephanie 9:55 

Well, I think to me, I just want to go back to how to harness your strength is to be, you know, like old numbers, try to be mindful, it's like, okay, am I, you know,

 

Suzanne Stabielle. Is it too? So, she talks about asking, Is this mine to do? You know, because I might be doing something that somebody one doesn't even really care about, that I do for them, you know, or that I intervene, or that I help them in some way. And or, you know, isn't mine to do because I've got other things to do, or this is taking away from my family or whatever. So, I think that's just being mindful. Like, okay, what's, what's really mind to do here? And I think, you know, on the high side of two, Richard Rohr talks about the redeemed person the redeemed, so the redeem to understand that in their own person, their divine, they're good enough. And they don't have to necessarily, please others or satisfy others in order to be worthy, and to be loved, that they are safe and loved, just for who they are.

 

Amy 11:28 

So that's a wild concept. Like, it's weird to me that other people might know that. Like, neither one of you are twos, do you guys know that about yourself? Yeah.

Dana 11:38

Sometimes.

 

Amy 11:42

 okay. I feel like nines and twos have a lot of overlap. So, you know, Oh, yeah. That's, that's wonderful that some people understand that.

 

Slowing down and thinking through decisions

Dana 11:54   

So, one of the things that Suzanne's to build talked about with Twos is there's just not a lot of thinking. And I know, one, two, that she is just protective of animals. And she'll see an animal and she'll pick it up and get it and not be thinking about what happens next. And she even reflected that to me, he's I think I'm thinking but I'm not well, they. So, a way to can help themselves is to slow down and think beyond their or their feelings in their action. There was this really mind to do slow down and think it through. And what Susannah bill says, if when you come upon a situation, if it makes you feel anxious, it doesn't feel good. Or to talk about it makes you not want to talk about it.

 

When you compare it to a situation you had in the past, is there going to be like that, if you have a bad feeling about it, there's a good chance that it's not yours to do. And then if there's any question, well, then, then you, you talk to the person, you know, hey, I noticed that this is going on, would it be helpful if I did this? And so, would you like me to do that for you? Maybe get a yes or no? Are many times people, like your mother said, don't need it, it's not important to them, or they're perfectly capable of handling it on their own. And you don't have to take them on foot. That's it.

 

Amy 13:28

So there’s, I want to I want you to weigh in on this because I think it's that's kind of a tricky concept. So, there was a volunteer position that it was as volunteers. I was in no way voluntold however, I kind of had an idea about who else might apply for the volunteer position. And knowing myself, I was like, I'm probably the best man for the job, given the skills that I have the flexibility that I'm probably it would be hard to do it any better than I could do it. Do I actually want the job? Yes and no, like the now was - Its responsibility. I'm not really in the mood for that responsibility. The Yes Was there might be some benefit to having it. I don't know for sure I have no evidence, but it's likely that there's a benefit to having this volunteer position. But mainly I, I applied and got the position because I thought, well, I'm the best man for it. And so, I should. So is that like, that's the example that you're giving is, it doesn't feel like your person in alignment, it felt in alignment, because I was like, I could probably do it the best. I just don't want to. So,

 

Dana 14:54 

okay, so when I'm thinking about you have to slow down and well, you don't have to do anything. It's a process, slow down and think it through, get my calendar out. What's on my calendar? When does this thing me? What's my responsibilities going to be? How strong is the team that's going to be associated with? Is it going to take time away from my family? Because you know what happens whenever you you get busy, like there still be times where everything will be due at once this type of world works out? Do I want to add one more thing that's going to be overwhelming on any given time when everything else has to be done? Is this the thing that I want to do just really calm that calm down and let the feeling into think the feeling and the action reside? And think it all the way through? What all have I got going? That's what I get in trouble is when I get impulsive and say I want to do something. And then I realized that I just over scheduled myself. I was already overseas. Yeah. And then there's all the unknowns that are involved in that. I volunteered for things that I thought I was going to be doing a certain thing and then the situation changed and the rules change, then I had to figure out what I'm gonna hang with this, or do I need to exit and upset some people upset the applecart. So that's what we're talking about is to slow down and think it all the way through?

 

Amy 16:15 

I guess the question that I'm trying to, to ask as a person that doesn't think a lot is, how do you know, what's yours to do? Like mom said, wasn’t I don't remember his mom or dad, but one of you guys said that, like, be mindful of what's mine to do. And if it feels uncomfortable, it's not yours.

 

Dana 16:35

Okay. So, ask yourself the question, why do I want to do this? Why be prompted to do this? Is this an ego thing? Is it an impulsive thing? Because then I see you then the need, is it an emotional? Or is or am I gonna learn from it? If you can understand the why this is going on why I want to do this. And then look back and say, you know, like, in your case, you're a mother, you have a podcast, and you've got you're very, very busy. So you got to be this point, careful about adding things. So you know, if I add this, and I get busy, am I not going to be able to pay proper attention to the other things that have gone on where if I add this do I need to be able to turn loose or something, some point in time, your house gets so full of stuff, or something walks in the front door or something needs to walk out the back, make room for so. And it can be very difficult for someone really in touch with their feelings and action driven to slow down and do that. But it just takes practice. Yeah.

 

Amy 17:39

I will say, just because I just figured this out. I have a very, very, very good friend of mine who's a three. And we've been working through some not friction, but some like just some struggle in our relationship. Because sometimes when we communicate, I'm searching for empathy. But threes are not healers by nature. And so, she will give me thoughts. And I can't even hear the thoughts until I've had the feelings first. It's like, I'm not I can't even process you know, so we were going back and forth about how is it that we want to communicate effectively. And one thing that I that I came to is, she's really great at asking me questions. And so when I'm feeling something and I can't get through it, I can go to her and she can ask me questions. And that helps me think Is dad to your point about ask yourself, ask yourself this, ask yourself that I thought I don't know how to ask myself anything by nature, like by nature, I think through my gut, essentially, you know. And so that's, for me, personally, I don't I don't think I know how to how to access my cognitive intelligence without having somebody that does that naturally around me. I've kind of had to harness relationships in order to get there, but hopefully other people will journal or do whatever they do.

 

Stephanie 19:04

While I was just the one real simple process would be just to make a list of pros and cons. And if you stay with it long enough, you're gonna start likely with the emotional side of the pros and the cons. But if you keep going and you don't stop, eventually you'll get down to the thoughts behind the emotions. You know, like Ischia, deep work in that pros and cons list, that's a way to think about getting to

 

So that to me is kind of a good, a good process for twos when they need to make a decision. First of all, if they slow down and intervene and figure out, oh, I need to think about this. How can I think about it? Well, as you said, you might reach out to somebody else, you're you might could do sort of a pros and cons. The other thing I would say now is to lean into your wings. Because once you know, the strong driver for once is principles, values, right action. So, they're going to be looking at, you know, what they choose to do is does it align with their principles and their values?

 

And so that enables people to you can enable a to to be more discerning about, you know, am I doing this because it's aligned with what I value? Or am I doing this because I think I should, that's, that's another on the same on the other side, the three can sort of shake off the need for reassurance, because threes don't, that's not something that they're looking for. So you go, okay, put myself over there, the three, they're just oriented towards success towards achievement. And it's not necessarily about how they're going to feel about it. So and they don't necessarily have the same need to please others. So you kind of alluded to, I think I'm the best person for the job. That's, that's a, that's a three leaning, then you just have to balance that with the one that says, Am I doing this for the right reason? I might be the best person for the job but am I doing it for the right reason. And or, you know, it may be that somebody else might not do it as well. But that might be their own learning, it might be a great opportunity for them to learn. So just look to see, you know, how can you lean on those two different perspectives? That might give you a different way to think about the opportunity or the situation.

 

Self-Forgetting and Valuing Wellbeing

Dana 21:56 

another way to find self-forgetting, when you're making a decision to do something else is to forget how busy you are everywhere else in that moment. Yeah. So forgetting is about your over everything you've got going on. Just thought about you in that body, your kids, your work your house, all that. So, whenever you could be forgetting about the time and the energy it takes to do that if you make an impulsive, yes, I'm the best man job. I'm gonna raise my hand and I’m in as part of thinking.

 

Amy 22:27

Yeah, I mean, to your point earlier about slowing it down and thinking it through. Feelings are very temporary, but we make decisions at any moment of the day. And so, with like that volunteer position, in the moment, I was feeling a certain way. And so, I made the decision based on that temporary feeling that had I slowed down and thought about it, I might have come to the same decision. But if I had it would have been with more certainty, rather than what will what did I do to myself? And oh, and there was something else I was gonna say, oh, the other thing I think I've been learning as you guys have been teaching me about the Enneagram is I feel as though I have capacity to lean towards the wings. But it's, it's I have a limited amount of capacity, whatever limited is, and, and so partly, like, I've been really enjoying the three wing. It's helped me in the business like, okay, I'm learning three. And I think sometimes I put three in so many places. Like I'm like, okay, I'm going to I'm going to lean towards this three and then I go to the kids’ school, I'm gonna lean towards this three, and then I go to church, I'm gonna lean towards this three. And like I take on things thinking, I'm going to be able to lean towards that three and I take it on because I'm a to, and then I come back and realize, like, I only have so much capacity for three. You know, I think in that moment, it feels like I'm going to take it on and I'm going to achieve and that's like feeling in my body and then I come back and I'm like, okay, maybe maybe I overstretch that wing a bit. I'm in my like, need to please others and thinking I could just do it all. I've maybe I overstretched that. So, if that's a thing or not, but for me, I may want to, keep your take on. Is there a learning to recognize your own capacity or lack thereof when you're leaning towards your wings or towards your straight line?

 

Stephanie 24:45

I mean, it's weird. It's like, oh, it sort of goes back to, you know, then own self be true. And truer today than I was yesterday. You know, like, okay, so, uh, yeah, okay, I'm only I'm learning to lean into threes. But still, at my core, I'm a two. So okay, what does that mean? And then, okay, if I'm, if I'm going heavy towards three, maybe I really need to look at one, maybe I really need to balance that, you know, where three is really serving me, there's a lot of value in what I can get from my one wing. So, and yeah, you never remember ones are called strict perfectionist. So and I'm not saying lean towards perfection, but lean towards right action, lean towards valued principles, like ones that they thrive on protocols and processes is, and, you know, timelines. And so those are things that it's like, okay, these could be helpful, because when I look at it from this angle, it's going to shed light on one being a to wanting to be helpful and three being successful, because success can be looked at in a bunch of different ways. But when you look at it in light of, okay, does this align with my values, this is aligned with my principles. Now, I gotta hope it elevates the whole thought process. You

 

Dana 26:16 

take an example would be as a one, you're looking at taking on another possibility. I'm looking at your calendar, your one can tell you Okay, Amy, your calendar is full. You, there's the answer. And then if you're deciding to be a three, they also also with the three can do to balance the two and the one to say, this is not perfect, but it is plenty good enough for this situation is going to suffice. We'll go with this as he is and then next time, it'll be different mean. So as an example, take a look at your candle, ask just to ask you one cannot squeeze this in? And it'll tell you. Yeah.

 

Enneagram Type Two Wings

Amy 26:58

I was thinking about the idea of wings and values. And then your comment earlier about the redeemed to knowing that, you know, there enough. And I was thinking, I just need to learn to value my own well-being. Yeah. Because I like the self-forgetting is so strong, that I could go to my values and be like, well, this is in line with my values, and just say yes, over, and over and over again. But if I valued my own well-being, I'd be more likely to look at the calendar and think about it. Okay, so what else would you we've kind of started the conversation on my example of volunteering, but what else would you like to say about the twos and the wings of the one and the three?

 

Stephanie 27:48   

Well, I think the three wing can free a two up from that cycle of expecting others to do for you in the same way that you do for them. Threes just don't have that expectation. Like you know  whatever they, whatever generosity they express or kindness that they express, it's not there's no, there's no expectation of reciprocity with three so that you can free up a two from that sort of and threes naturally have a higher I think, their perception there's their own bow Are you is less than a question now, they got plenty of questions because their value is more wrapped up into what they achieve. So that's a whole ‘nother thing, but it's less, it feels less on the line than a two in terms of just their own self worth,

 

Um trying to think about one wings think because one, they're thinking, action, orientation. So less about feelings, I mean, both ones and threes, but ones are going to come at it from a different orientation. So, they're going to have, you know, they, they have a high commitment to task and responsibility. And they're going to be thinking from that angle, which is what your dad is kind of saying they're gonna look at their calendar and say, Can I do this, they're gonna be more looking at their own capacity to deliver, in their case, a high quality, you know, result or whatever. So, just to think about those perceptions and sort of help balance the two in terms of what they choose to take on.

 

Dana 30:27 

What once you have the capacity to discern things, to look at things and study them and get an idea. Not only is this am I going to be overwhelmed with too much to do here. But they may be aware of when I've gotten situations like this in the past, what was the toll on my body? Was it able to sleep at night was able to keep up, I was still able to do everything at a at a level that I was proud of. But when I delivered it, how's it going to impact my family? So the one way will lead you to discernment. It's a wisdom thing, you have to look back on your life and look at the people involved and say, like, am I when it gets really, really tough? And I'm going to have to do a lot of this by myself. And like, do I have time? And what's the cost gonna be to me and my family is Jake Lee, if you're volunteering for a new opportunity, where you're having to build a team and be the glue. So that's what the one can help you do.

 

Enneagram Type 2 Stretch and Release 

Amy 31:42 

Okay, should Are we ready to go to the stretch and release lines there? Well, where do where do we go first.

 

Stephanie 31:45

So, let's go to release first. So, the release is four, which is intense creative. And the reason I say let's go the release first is because that typically, for most numbers going to their release line is the easier of the two. It's where we can sort of like, fall into it. And stress, it's like, okay, what, what can I just sort of, so, um, the release for four is to go to that intense creative, which sort of sounds like a, you know, as we've talked about, well, we haven't talked about yet, but we will get there. fours are intensely emotional, they're very, but they use that emotion for great creativity, their orientation typically is personal. So, they don't tend to be self-forgetting, like to do so. Um, they tend to nurture themselves. So, self-care is strong for a four. So, a two under stress, it's like oh, let me let me go into my four let me go into self-care. Let me go into a creative outlet. You know, something that gets my emotions, my emotions, not the emotions of others, my emotions out my emotions expressed in some sort of creative effort. fours are good at connecting to their own needs, their own emotions, which we talked about twos being other referenced, fours are self-referenced. So that's a reconnection to self a reconnection to was I need, how do I need to take care of myself? And then how can I express this in a creative fashion? So that's, that's the line to four. And then the stretch point is the active controller. Now, active controllers, it's like, oh, that feels foreign to a two. But if we think that, that's eight, so okay, if we think about the high side of a, well, the high side of eight is, they're strong, they're powerful, they're not afraid of their power, they're assertive, they're direct, you know, they have the capacity to say no, so when you're looking like, do I need to say no to this? Oh, what would eight do? You know.

 

So um, so while twos are feeling then action, eights are action, they're in the Action Center. And they're action thinking so less about the feeling part. So that's the opportunity of leaning into that eight is sort of getting in touch with your own power, your own strength, and bringing that to your situation.

 

Dana 35:09

Two being such a feeling number, they can overly react in a negative way, if things don't go well. And be really, really hard on themselves that, you know, the well, you know, the eight didn't have time for that. They understand that things just don't go perfectly, you know, on a three wing realizes and that we're talking about stresses here, but things are good enough. And, and the truth is, people don't think about you, they're thinking about what they've got. So, your AI can help you have a little bit of Teflon on your field.

 

Amy 35:48 

It's funny, that's something that I've had to practice, and I have more awareness of it with my husband, because it's a pattern and identify it, I have much less awareness of it with strangers or people I don't talk to very often. But earlier, you said that twos can feel the emotions of others often. And I've noticed that if my husband gets, it doesn't even have to be stressed. It could just be like Project mode, like, here we go, we're going to tackle this, we're let's do it. It feels very fiery. I feel it in my body, and it doesn't feel good and peaceful to me. And so I in my body feel like he's upset with me. When often he he's not even upset. He's just in a fiery mood. And then v it has nothing to do with me to your point. But I'm feeling it and it feels like it's me. So that's something that it's helpful in these like long term relationships. I've developed that skill to not take it on. But it's much harder in new relationships where I don't, I don't know them. And so, I don't recognize that I'm taking it on and making it about me when it's not. So, the idea of going into a situation as an aid and be like, I'm here to get done. Like, let's just do it. I think that'd be like a good a good hat to put on before I leave the house.

 

Stephanie 37:13

So, I'm gonna reference Do you remember the work of Amy Cuddy?

 

Amy 37:20

Yes, power poses.

 

Stephanie 37:22

 Power poses. So, to me, that's, that's like a, a thing to shift from two to eight is like power posing, or, you know, getting in touch with strength and power. So that just comes to mind. It's like, oh,

 

Amy 37:42

yeah, that makes sense. This is we are feelers by nature. And so, if what we're feeling is more in line with determination and power, and then yeah, we would be more effective and more like an eight. Yeah, that's interesting. And I, for me, I had a season in college where I didn't know about the Enneagram. But I leaned heavily into the four and it felt like such a sweet respite from everything else. Like almost like a crab that finally found a shell, like I've been out there vulnerable this whole time. And then and then I leaned too heavy into four and it was like, ah, you know, yeah, that that release. So, I'm hopeful that that's what every number on the Enneagram has when they get to their release just this like, literal release of, you know, safety and whatever it is that they need. For me, it felt very much like I found myself. I get to just be now and not worry about all that outside stuff. Yeah. Um, okay, well, so we talked earlier briefly about how twos can kind of, I don't want to say neglect, but I'm going to use the word neglect. They're more personal relationships because they've output elsewhere. What else are the positives and the dangers of being in relationship with two.

 

Type Two Struggles and Positive Traits 

Dana 39:13

Okay, so I’m gonna run through this little things to trigger a two. Okay, so here's the two who so okay, I'm speaking generically about unredeemed two's, everybody has their level of Tunis up or down. But if you're running low on redeemed energy, here's the things that can trigger a two and really bother them. And the person that is doing the triggering is probably totally on aware they're an eight or they are one of the something and they're just being themselves, but this will trigger to being taking for granted, will trigger a to not being heard.

 

And even other person may be hearing them. But maybe they're not reflecting that they're hearing them in the way that the two thinks they want to be heard. Others being treated abusively were really a trigger. And then one that's common is being excluded. I have been told and have read that sometimes to feel physical pain when they're excluded. It goes as heck yes; it goes just beyond the nines emotional feeling that it actually hurts us. At least the triggers that that news will go off on. Oh, so to do you identify with those aim?

 

Amy 40:46

Absolutely. Okay. And because I'm a self-preservation too, I probably feel it stronger than other twos. But from the emotional point of view, all emotions are actual physical feelings. Like if you think about grief, how exhausting it is, is because physically, you've had to feel it. So, I do very much it feels painful. It feels like a miniature death. And then that lack of safety throws me into because that's what happens if you're excluded is it's like, oh, I don't have a tribe. And so, then it feels like I'm not safe. And so, then you could go into panic. Like there's so many places you could go with that. But it's very uncomfortable at best and painful. I would say it's probably normal. And it happens for many of those. Yeah. And I think I was thinking about the, the, the mistreatment of others, or the abuse of others. Oftentimes, when that happens, it's unintentional. And I know that like, you know, not all the time examples, but a lot of times when there's mistreatment of others, it is unintentional. But I can very easily go to like judgment and shaming of whoever might be associated with it. Right. And, and I've and I get, I've worked on it, but I can be very, like high and mighty about it. Like, like, I would have done that better. I know better and shame on you. You know, like sort of that prideful stuff. Yeah. So, in terms of the other things would cause me pain, but that example takes me to ego.

 

Stephanie 42:37

Right, well, that is the vice of two is pride, you know, as an inflated self-importance about your service to other people. That's where twos get there. Oh, you know, so, and that they tend to because there are so attuned, keenly attuned to the feelings and needs of other people. They can also be seducers and manipulators of other people because they are tuned in, you know, so that was sort of the vices of two was like, okay, if you, you know, and you're talking about what to know about being in relationship with twos. First of all, I think if you're going to encourage it to, you're going to help try to encourage them to, to take care of themselves, to have good boundaries to do self-care, and also give them acknowledgement for the things that they do that's going to help them, you know, understand their value and remind them that they, you know, have they're loved and they have value. So those are things to think about. I think when we think about twos.

 

Amy 44:04

it's interesting, the affirmation from other people. I think, in terms of giving people advice about being in relationship with twos 100% I'm not negating that. And as a two, it can be sort of this feeling prophecy, where other people give me validation, it feels good. And so I continue to seek validation from outside rather than learning how to do it for myself. But I still absolutely need it. If I don't get it in relationship. It's really, really hard. But it's, it's interesting. It's easy to lose sight of meaning to do my work. I guess that's what I'm saying. Is, right. We all have that, but it's just easy to lose sight of I've got to figure out how to do this for myself. So, what are the positives have to had relationship? Sure, we could guess but

 

Stephanie 45:00

Well, I think that caretaking I think the generosity of of their availability, their emotional availability. I mean, that's, that's a, that's a real gift to the people who aren't in touch with their emotions, who need that. That somebody to hold that container for them? Does that make sense? And to, in some ways, they can really help people. Learn to be okay with their emotions, learn to accept their emotions, you know, and be with them. Because that's that user in there. Preach.

 

Amy 47:23 

Preach. See, so? I think that's,

 

Stephanie 47:30 

I mean, I think the other thing is that they model helpfulness, I mean, because that's, that's their angle is, you know, that's their deal is to be helpful. So, for some people who that's not their nature, if they are awake, to the gift of two, they can see that as an as modeling for them.

Um, I think that twos are a really good and how they are attuned to others, they can really be contributory towards the functioning of a team, because they are sensitive to other people. And they can help bring in people when they maybe feel like they're on the sidelines. Because they of course, don't like to be excluded. So, they're going to be sensitive to other people being excluded. Because they're sensitive to other people, they're also going to be looking for where people are drawn in. Or where people may be standing on the sideline

I'm thinking about a person that I know that's head of HR, and she's a to and she's very good at what she does, because she has such a such a sensitivity towards the needs of others. And she's able to couple that with her three wing that's looking at how do we achieve success so she's really good as an HR person to think about okay, where's this person right now? Where is their future? How can I help them get there? You know, how can we create a pathway so that's, that's another you know, place where twos can really shine.,

 

Dana 47:59

Also, those are fun people are waiting around No, oh, yeah. Like to laugh, carry on. Enjoy having each other hugging each other, acknowledging people's clothes. I mean, very demonstrative loving, people. I mean, to have those balance out the serious nature of the other numbers is it's a real gift. Have, some people don't realize just how serious they are, or how others perceive their seriousness in order to, can come in and be all dressed up with jewelry and playing and, and hugs and kisses and, and well times compliments. And I mean, we know we really, really need two like they perform a great service.

 

Amy 48:55

So last episode, I ended with a bit of a like, let's do a blessing for the ones, you know and wished some positive things for them honor some of what they do well, I'm going to plant the seed that I'm going to ask one of you two to do that. So, in your mind, start thinking about that. Sorry, I talked about I was thinking, before we started recording, I was thinking about our last episode about wands. And we talked a little bit about, you know, Martha Stewart, Steve Jobs, Eleanor Roosevelt, Michelle Obama, Emma Watson. And I was thinking in the case of Eleanor Roosevelt, Michelle Obama, Emma Watson, those three specifically, I think, that combination of one with the strength of a two is just so beautiful and game changing. You know, if you look at what all Eleanor Roosevelt achieved, but in kind of the name and nature of a two. Same with Emma Watson, like she's got a whole organization that is about helping others. And I don't know, I just I kind of had that realization of what that might look like. And I'm excited to start to kind of mull over, what are the beautiful examples of two, in their one and in their three? I know, we talked about Oprah earlier, but I just think it's a fun exercise because it's so easy for us, especially the people with ones or one wing to focus on the negative and where we need to grow, you know, so anyway, any thoughts about that? Or do you want to go to the blessing huh?

 

Stephanie 50:47

Well, I think back to, you know, the examples dad gave of who the sort of some known twos are, you know. You look at Oprah, you look at Maya Angelou, you look at Mother Teresa, you know, it was like, they were, they're all. I mean, Oprah is still the only one living of those three,   but it's like, they're all giving in big ways. And showing up but all of them over time learned about how to do that, from drawing on that one. So what Giorgio is one drawing on tooth. And this to me as sort of twos drawing on one, drawing on that principle valued, you know, purposeful action, purposeful, using their feelings using that intuitive nature that they have, using that sense of caring for others, but in a very purposeful, valued sort of principal action way.

 

Amy 52:08

Yeah. I'm just not quite ready to hear it. It's gonna take me a few days, I'm still in the feeling of, of all the other stuff. So would one of you mind just sending us out or both of you on a blessing, an affirmation, I just want to, I want to send some love to the twos and everybody that is in relationship with twos.

 

Dana 52:33

Well, I'm gonna ramble a little bit. So, the virtue of a two is humility, humbling that they know that they have this gift of perceiving what others need to better themselves, but also humble in that they need to look after their own, that they realized that they are just important and their families just as important as those that are in front of them that need help. They understand that not everything they see is theirs to do that they discern what is theirs to do. I'm drawing on their one and eight wings and knowing that they are valuable to walk around and just be a to a walk around. and be the example of helping and being happy. And being aware of others’ emotions and being there to help is a blessing to all of us. Regardless, if you're Jimmy Carter, or if you're, you know, someone that I know that I'm happy that they were too and y'all don't know, the blessings that they are. In and it's hard for to, to always think about themselves as so but a really redeemed to understand that all of us on this planet are capable and had the tools to do what desires to do. And, and sometimes you just have to let people live their own life. So, I'm blessing the twos with discernment and to continue doing their work. And you know, the work can be turned inwards, what do they need to be able to? Stephanie, have you got something you can add to that?

 

Stephanie 54:12

No, I think you captured it all, I think yep, I would just say it anything as a as a blessing is like, just honor, and recognize the value that you bring, as a heart centered person in the world, especially in if we think about, you know, American culture. It's not it's not a feeling culture, it's a doing action, thinking, action, you know, we don't, we're not oriented towards feelings. And yet, I think if we don't get a better way forward with our feelings, we're all going to be in trouble is when I really think so. I mean, I think if we look at our bigger culture, the separation that people are feeling the ants, people are feeling that the, I mean, if you look at the anger and all that that's out there, it's like, that is I love what Brene, Brown said on Friday, she called it emotional dysregulation, it's like we have we have a problem in this country. And twos have the capacity to lead us forward through into a healthier emotional state, if they take care of themselves, so that they care of themselves. But in so doing can be a great model for others about how we can how we can navigate that and how we can be sensitive to the needs and the feelings of other people. So we are grateful for twos and we all should know more twos, and B celebrate, celebrate and be in appreciation of all the twos can bring.

 

Amy 55:11

I'm going to add one thing, this is specifically for Twos the spiritual truth that we are all made up of the same divine energy is everything else. And nothing that anybody says or does can change that. Your Divine whether you like it or not. It's just it doesn't go up and down. You're just made of it. And so, if you can just remember, your value doesn't change. Doesn't change no matter what anybody says or does so just go live your life and feel your feelings. Okay. Well, thank you for sharing about twos and we'll be excited to talk soon about threes. And just until then, lots of love loves. I

 

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